your heart

have you heard
how your heart beats
have you felt its insistence
felt its persistent pleading
trembling the needing flesh
you press against me

there is a voice
i more than hearing feel
peeling back the layers
of aging bark blanketing
the tallest trees rising
over the Santa Cruz mountains

there is a voice
that shimmering hums
strumming the seeding vines
the sweetly tumbling lines
of coolest winter snow
urgently flowing in the spring

there is a voice
deep in the knowing earth
that growing celebrates hope
and hearth and ever home
and never dares abandon
the fervent heart of you

that even now beats
across the breathing
of my skin

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infant i
fell naked into this world
front and back and sides
held, swaddled, kissed
by an adoring mother
who could not manage
enough breath in the end
to declare her lasting love

child i
breathless and buoyant played
blissfully bleeding knees
scraped callous and clean
and always tingling with joy
exploring here and now
with the effortless abandon
of an uninstructed song

capricious i
inspired by romantic dreams
deemed she and she and we
to be nothing more than zeal
embodied and fleshly feeling
peeling sweetly and greedily
the fruit of my beloved
consumed bit by glorious bit

angry i
constructed once impervious walls
from battlements balking
at the praying entrancing dance
of futile love’s pretty prancing
shouting down now and forever
no and no and ever so
knowing how the sky bleeds

fallen i
did finally rise beyond this flesh
beyond this fury finding she
with slowly opening arms
she with gravely crafted harms
cradling her fortified heart
her tears of honest confession
impressing love across my soul

together we
inhaling sea and air and trembling
trees bearing leaves of greenest
hope sweetly adorning this earth
that now awaits our eager tread
yes, we shall earnest breathe
and bathing clean this tarnished me
we shall raze these angry walls

to the ground
to the earth
where love

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open seas

as the waves rose ever higher
i grasped the tiller hard and fast
and searched the waters behind
scanned the horizon beyond
apprehensive of what lay ahead
knowing no more of what awaited me
but only keenly feeling the fear
that clawed at my calloused skin
this angrily aching aging shell
of fury and doubt and distrust
that has so long imprisoned
my fervently frustrated soul

such is the make of a man unrefined
the mark of a man undefined
by clear and conscious reflection
that he would lean then on the tiller
and strive his vessel to return
as swiftly as may be to the haven
of his all too familiar native port
so far short of the goals he desired
of that to which he in earnest aspired
before the grasping need of years
before the deftly growing fears
his heart had cowardly overtaken

yet hearing then the voice of the wind
feeling then the outstretched limb
of time’s so fateful trembling
of time’s insatiable dissembling
pretending at truths beyond nature
preening colors grown too bold
by the coldly demeaning stature
of solitude and sorrow and death,
i stayed the course that i had chosen
craving the hope that dearest love
had to my soul imparted and never—
never will i look back again

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mountain paths

there are moments
when hope thrives
in every tiny cell
encoding my life

there are days when
my skin knows how
to do much more
than simply age

instructing my voice
to chant with the ardor
of a thousand songs
of passionate longing

coaxing commanding
my heart to beat with the
vibrantly sensual rhythms
of a thousand lovers

in these times my spirit
twines like hungriest vines
over every mossy rock
and painted stone

then explores my heart
each wildly winding path
that binds this mount
to distant shores

mountain paths

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uzaktan duydu yüreğim
yumuşak bir aryayı duydu
sakin bir sabahı andıran
doğal bir sesi duydu
ve bunu dinleyip uğraşıyordu

uzaktan gördü yüreğim
aydınlık bir umudu gördü
pırıl pırıl parlayan
gecenin ilk yıldızı gibi
ve ona bakıp uğraşıyordu

uzaktan sevdi yüreğim
o kadar güzel bir kadını sevdi ki
gece yalnızlığının soğukluğunu
defeden yeni doğan güneş gibi
ve onu isteyip uğraşıyordu

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the weight of your words
was more than i could bear
dreadfully tipping scales
tottering on unadorned tables
scratched clean by the claws
of my grayly craven past

it was never really about you
nor yet about fervent us
with no blame attributed
i pondered the fatal dearth
of my forgiveness—not for you
please understand, but for me

with each word that fell
from your precisely shaped lips
with each ounce of your
carefully pronounced certainty
the left bowl dipped and
the right leg slipped until

it all collapsed
quite perfectly

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the day creeps wearily on
pretending most mindful deeds
the night hangs warily far
ignoring my simplest needs

mindful i borrow these times
endlessly counting the days
clumsily building these rhymes
born of my gray artless ways

i found in your tender lips
a nervous and jaded youth
yet sense in your eager touch
a boldness invoking truth

to hold you close in my arms
empowers my heart to soar
i long for the slightest kiss
of she whom i do adore

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